Tag Archives: relationships

Shining Eyes, Burning Bright

11 Mar

I look around the room
Seeing smiles

I feel warm laughter
bathing me in
glorious luxury

Moments of spontaneous humor
Bursting fits of disengaged silly laughter

Shining eyes
Burning bright
with intense joy
Found in unexpected love

Walking in a dance of contorting limbs
body moving back and forth
trying
to cap the exulted happiness that bubbles up from deep within
Head back – melodious music – flowing out to the sky

Falling back onto my bare shoulders
tickling me
with sprinkles of kindness

Shining eyes
Burning bright
with intense joy
Found in reciprocated love

Holding hands
walking in unison
down a pillow-y pathway
of carefree embrace

Daylight outside
slowly receding
to a muted evening
giving way to the inner guide
of jubilant light

Shining eyes
Burning bright
with intense joy
Found in honored love

Everyone else melts away
Except
their kind smiles
follow us everywhere

Giddily joining us
in our quest for frozen yogurt
Eagerly following us
with dancing eyes
as we sing out an inside joke

In step
we fall
souls to match
walking down LA streets

Night greets us
In a sweet sleep
I lay my head

Waking to see you still here
by my side
Caressing my hair

Shining eyes
Burning bright
with intense joy
Found in unmeasured love

Runaway

18 Dec

Oh I try to stay away
in my own quiet darkness
I plot 
To runaway

It’s too good
Too kind
Too normal to be real

Isn’t it sad?

I can’t accept that I deserve this
Or at the very least 
Accept that I don’t deserve
constant pain

It’s all so very bleak inside
The cobwebs that linger in the corner
They remind me of those years

Clinging to me
They refuse to disappear

It’s all so hideous
So very sad

Don’t you see?
Isn’t it clear?
Runaway

Let me be
So much easier to bear this pain
Neatly tucked behind the smile of a promise
That the year end is near

Year after Year
The end is near

Why don’t you just
Runaway?

 

Drinking Whiskey… on Your Lap

30 Nov

Love seems like an easy thing 
when I sit on your lap
drinking whiskey

Love seems like a story to unfold
As you hold me close
Comb your hair

Look in your eyes
and I see your love for me
Your love for me…

Over whiskey

On your Lap

Love seems like a joy to behold
As you touch me
As you want me

Time stands still
when I sit on your lap
Drinking Whiskey

Telling Stories
Moments to be had
After dinner and drinks
At 2 AM

Drinking Whiskey

On your lap

Love is hard to contain as you lead me
To your arms
Hold me close

Stories to be told
At 2 AM

Over Whiskey

On your lap

Whispers of Sadness: Echo of Love Always with me

30 Nov

My heart pushes against my chest
To rejoin you
Belong to you

Our moments together
Tenderly sweet
Leave an intense ache
In your absence

I miss your eyes
Drinking me in
Your smile that always meets mine
when I turn to you, To admire you

You, So kind
Generously loving and unmeasured with your affection

Every gaze makes love to me
An electric response to every caress

I feel you inside me
In my soul
when you hold my hand
When you see me
All of me

Such kindness
I will never tarnish
this love
the trust you have in me

I have been honest and open
about my past
Yet you see
only the good, the strength
of every moment

You inspire me
To be better, To be more
To deserve this gift that I never want to lose

Sea Lions

9 Sep

The blue in the sky was reflected in the glimmering water in the ocean, the bridge towering over this natural beauty, the air crisp and chilly as I ran past.  I could feel the wind pushing against me; my limbs were growing cold and stiff in the early morning San Francisco weather.  I kept looking around me and was entranced with every small detail: the stands in the farmer’s market, the purple figs, the fiery red and sunny yellow cherry tomatoes, the dazzling flowers in a multitude of colors, and the intense faces of the runners as they flew down the boardwalk.

I wanted everything around me seared in my mind so I could recall this moment over and over and feel you close when I thought of you.

I didn’t look at you; I wanted to suspend the feeling of knowing that you were next to me without having to turn for confirmation.  I wanted to take this moment with me and recreate it in my morning runs.  So I could run swiftly and imagine you next to me without having to realize you were gone.

When we stopped at the edge of the pier and you turned and smiled at me I knew I wanted to treasure you forever in my heart.  I wanted to lock away that smile in my heart so it would warm me when it grew cold and lonely.  The crinkling around your kind eyes told me that you are the type of quality person I have always coveted and hoped for, the company I had only previously dreamed of.

You led me to your favorite attraction and I could smell and hear them before I saw them.  The playful barking of the sea lions still plays in my mind and makes me break out into a wide smile at the thought of their piling heap of bodies slipping and sliding and competing for comfort amongst each other.

You bring so much happiness into my life and I don’t question it.  I openly welcome it and hope that we are equally worthy and up to the task of carrying this through because I cannot imagine a more earthly happiness than when I am next to you, than when I am in your arms and feel your bodily heat.   Than when I look up to you and see that kind smile full of love towards me, loving me and my imperfections and all.

Let Go

9 Jul

You say you love me and that you are sorry.
But you mean that you’re only sorry not to have me. You are upset at not having your way and your face crumples up into a wail when I do not run to comfort you as I did countless times before.
You can’t understand why I don’t melt at the sight of you in pain, why when you halfheartedly apologize, I do not embrace you and go back to you as I so often did.

But how can the former blind be expected to be content in darkness once sunlight has filled life in a fresh glow. How can a former beggar be expected to sustain himself in deplorable poverty once he has enjoyed the comforts of life?

I walked next to you and held your hand, looked into your eyes and tried to will happiness into them. In vain I searched for ways to light up that flat stare with mirth and lightheartedness. I recounted my pain, my dark secrets, my very inner core to you so I could be closer to you. But nothing drew you near. Only more pain, anger, and the ugly side of humanity sparked a reaction from you. Passion in your eyes was lighted with anger and accusations. To speak down to me, to hold yourself higher than me, to make me remember what lows of life I had tasted; now that brought a delicious plate of satisfaction to your table. That merited a curve of your lips into a sneer, into a haughtiness that changed your daily humdrum existence and was the only proof that you did not have a permanent line of a mouth etched into your face.

You wonder at my anger and resentment towards you, you decry the hate that you believe I hold towards you, and you balk at the thought that I not hold you dear to my heart in eternal gratefulness and affection.

Hate is for the weary tired souls that are done with life and look towards the darkness of self-pity for satisfaction out of a miserable existence. Hate you I do not nor will I ever. Resentment is for the hurt that still hold tattered feelings in useless hands filled with inertia; resent you I do not.

I hold you at a distance, as a thought, as a puzzle of what I once thought to be the only possible state of existence. I gently rebuke myself for not realizing that I deserved more than coldness and reproach at your side. I try not to dwell on the idea that I was content with bits and pieces of approval and affection that were seldom thrown my way by you. As a beaten dog hangs its head low in shame when it eats the food provided by its abusive owner, I shamelessly lingered, hoping for more displays of emotion to be aimed at me at random.

Life experience. Live and learn. “I only know two very real evils in life: remorse and illness. The only good is the absence of those evils.” – Leo Tolstoy

Clichés, wise words, life mantras: I wear them as a shawl to warm my soul and remind myself that what was once broken and feeble is now steady and strong. I am eager for life and walk towards happiness and opportunity. I walk away from you.

And through it all I wish you well. I hold you as dear as I hold any poor luckless devil out in the street. I bear you no ill will and pray that you too find your way. Please close your eyes to me and think of me no more.

Close your heart to me and speak of me no more.

Memories full of Hurt
Let Them Go
Be Free

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