Your resume is beautiful, readable, and within the limit. You have polished that resume until it shines so bright it blinds you with your dazzling achievements.
You’ve been to countless career fairs where you’ve continually broken through your introverted + imposter syndrome tendencies to talk to the engineers + recruiters and convince them that they need your resume.
And then it happens. You get a call / email inviting you to add your calendar availability to schedule your first interview. And you want to book the furthest away possibility because – you’ll totally have more time to study. But really you just want to avoid it.
It’s like you forgot that this is what you wanted.
So What Happened? And How Can You get through it?
First off it’s perfectly normal to be nervous. If it didn’t mean anything, then you wouldn’t care. My therapist put it beautifully when they said, “A balance of preparation and a little nervousness is healthy. You don’t want to not be nervous at all because then you won’t prepare. But you also don’t want to worry too much because then it’s too overwhelming to prepare.” [paraphrased by me]
When I first heard this I was like Wait What? I hadn’t considered that ‘worry’ could be a good thing. That ‘worry’ was an emotion that when moderate could motivate good behavior.
Or that ‘worry’ while being a strong emotion is an emotion that runs its course if given time.
But when we avoid it, that ‘worry’ grows because we never face it long enough for it to run that course. So we learn to only avoid. And our fear of the unknown grows. And we get locked in a series of crashing and overwhelming emotions – so overwhelming that we can’t even think about it.
We close our own door. We don’t try. Because if we don’t try, we can’t get rejected right? Wrong, we are being rejected by default. We are in essence, rejecting ourselves. And this is a vicious cycle that invites harsh, unhealthy, and unhelpful self-critique. Doesn’t that sound exhausting???
So What Can We do?
I’ll give you a recent example. Because of many reasons I get incredibly anxious as an interview nears. I try to cancel, postpone, convince myself that I don’t want this or need this, that this is a terrible idea because why would I work for x company?! I come up with incredibly convincing stories that all say the same thing: Don’t try, it’s not worth it.
But what I’m really telling myself is: I’m not worth it.
And I recognize that voice. That’s an old voice. A voice that has harmed me for years and whose power grows when I listen to it, when I affirm it.
But let’s take a step back. Put yourself in the shoes of the listener and the speaker is your daughter, sister, best friend, someone you love. They share their struggles with imposter syndrome, with that voice that says that they won’t succeed. What do you say to them?
You are worthy. You will succeed.
Then you problem solve with them.
- What is the worse that can happen?
- How likely is that to happen?
- What are you afraid of?
- What do you struggle with?
- Is that an immutable situation or can you do something about it?
- What can you do?
Here’s a walk through of my answers to the above:
- That I will go blank, prove that I am stupid and that I know nothing.
- Not very likely, I will at the very least be able to solve some of the problems and be able to answer most questions.
- To confirm I will fail.
- I feel ‘cold’ every time I interview.
- No, it’s not immutable. Yes, there is something I can do about it. *Side note: This will be your answer 99% of the time.*
- I can set aside a few minutes each day to attempt interview questions. I can carve out an hour on the weekend and create a roadmap of what I want to master.
Reframe the Situation
And most importantly, I can bet on myself and move forward with the interview. That sounds easy but it’s the hardest part right? Some tactics I find helpful is to reframe the situation.
For example, I can:
- this interview is for practice, doesn’t matter if I get the offer or not, knowing the questions they ask in this type of interview is what matters (this doesn’t mean don’t prep – this means accept many interviews so that you can get that real time practice in)
- this is a data point. I can assess what went well, what I struggled with / stumbled on and this will inform my study roadmap
- this is for my community. I will document the process and blog about it to remove the stigma around performance anxiety. This is one of my favorites. 😉
Can you think of other ways to reframe this?
La pura verdad, this sh!t is hard.
I have to walk myself through this every time. The thing is that once the interview is over I’m always like – huh okay. That wasn’t AS BAD as my imagination made it out to be.
So now we both have a road map – because you bet I’m going to come back to this time and time again. I hope that this helps you make the space to ask and answer these questions and to believe in yourself enough to put in that prep work and go for it.
Because chingados, we’re worth it!
Good luck – also it’s a numbers game. Might be different for Stanford grads but the chance of landing a job is relatively flat so the only thing you can do is apply more , and more data points and blog about them 🙂 and land a job in the process.