Grey Days

Like a hopeful lover it hovers in the sidelines.

It creeps up quietly,

trying to find a foothold – a reason to stay.

So much light, so much love, so much opportunity and it

doesn’t matter.

If my guard is down and life is a tinge of grey I feel it on my shoulders.

I feel it tugging, demanding, unrelenting in its need to consume me.

My steps are circular.

My heart imploding with the weight of unshed tears.

And it hurts, it hurts so much.

How naive to think that I could lose you forever.

When will I stop looking over my shoulder?

Will I ever live without having to account for your drag?

I need to get angry.

I find strength in my anger.

But I feel my feet slipping on the sand and I want to sink into the soft folds of

a quiet dream where my mind stops thinking.

I swim and I swim and I swim.

I see your lovely smiling face looking for my warmth.

I see your need for me.

I see what is expected of me but I hear nothing.

Fill my ears with gentle music.

Let it fold the corners of my sadness into a small square so I may

hold it and recognize that I can possess it

and not be possessed.

 

I am not yours.

Let me be.