Always pa'lante! Chief Strategy Officer. Chingona de Boyle Heights Living in DTLA.
Back to School
I can’t help but feel the tightness in my chest as I see your little faces scrunched up with worry as you start school again. You cling to me and I have no plans to let you go. I want to hold the both of you like this, close to me, with my arms wrapped tightly around those two sets of shoulders that I never want to carry the weight of worries and fear.
At times, I regret my selfish motives in bringing you into this world. Did I do you wrong?
But that is an equally selfish and stupid thought to have. When I look into your little shiny eyes, I can see how much happiness you will bring into this world, many times over what you already bring to me and those that are lucky enough to know you.
You possess kindness, sweet dispositions, tender hearts that ache at other’s suffering, and a joyous ringing giggle that can bring a smile to anyone who hears its music.
I am incredibly happy and blessed to have you as my own, to lay claim to having had some say in how wonderfully you are turning out. No matter what other great things I accomplish in this life, the two of you will always overshadow them with your perfection of sweet little human beings that you are.
I am biased, no doubt, but I could care less about what others may think is an exaggeration; they have not met you. They have not felt the velvet warmth that fills my soul when you hold me tightly as I tuck you into bed. Nor you’re refusal to let go of my neck when I kiss you goodnight. 🙂 That love that carries through when we look at each other, smile at one another, and cuddle up with each other is unparalleled.
Some of my favorite moments are when I am in the car stopped at a red light and I reach back with my right hand and two little sets of hands instantly latch on. You just know to expect it. Or when one of us has a particularly difficult day whether it’s a demanding project for me at work or someone not sharing with you at school; we listen to one another – no matter how frivolous it may be to others, we listen, we know. And we always end it with our salute of Three Musketeers, and if that doesn’t work, we fall into a fit of giggles brought on by silly faces or jokes.
Some day the two of you will know how happy you make me. When you are old enough I will tell you how instrumental you were in my life and how much motivation you provided. I will confess that it’s a lot of work to raise two little ones on my own. It was hard to have you so young after marrying too young. But you two are like little wells of happiness that I can endlessly dip into when I need a smile, when I need a reason to see why every day is a gorgeous day, when I need a reminder of how precious life is.
No matter how tired I may be, no matter how much I want to take a nap after a long day of work and driving around to take care of the mundane needs of life, I can draw strength from your little smiling faces. Those little beaming half-moons that fill me with an inexplicable energy to get everything done to make sure we have a simple but happy life.
I will be here for you always, no matter where you go or what you may or may not do, I will be here to love you unconditionally and to listen when no one else may seem to. Every morning I will think of you and every day you will continue to be my babies, my little treasures, my Bellini and IzaPizza, no matter your age.
Whether it’s the first day of school, you’re first interview, or your first date (God forbid it happens before you’re 22), I will be here holding on tightly and leading the way.
Wow, this was lovely. I don’t have any kids yet, but your blog made me wish I had some. I always think, I am not ready for kids, but again, who is? I have no doubt that when I do have them, I will feel as happy and proud as you are of yours.
It’s no easy ordeal raising kids on your own, and for that you deserve a commendation. You have your rewards, your children, and it’s so nice to know that they love you as much as you love them.
Thanks for posting this.