When the quiet reaches me, I sit here contemplating if it will always be like this, if it would best be left like this.
After the fogginess of morning, waking up to a new day, rousing from the few hours of fitful sleep, I make my way to clarity with a cup of coffee. I stare off into emptiness as my senses return about me and I get to the business of the new day.
Under the pressure of the shower water my muscles grow taught and my eyes alert and I step out feeling refreshed, renewed even.
The monkeys slowly make their way back to this world from their peaceful sleep and the house is filled with giggles and with equal measure of squeals of delight and complaint. It’s a new day and none better than today.
Breakfast is made; clothing is tossed in the hamper, clean ones thrown on. Pacing back and forth looking for a shoe, a hair tie, the comb, the minutes tick on by until it’s time to rush out the door.
At school, at work, it’s all the same to you and me. Our hours pass on by filled with new memories, work, dreams, and the steady gaze towards the clock as it nears our reunion.
Off to pick you up and as soon as I step in the door my body absorbs the thud of two little monkeys running into me with exclamation of love. How happy I am in these moments of unguarded affection.
At home, we stretch, we clean, and we cook and eat. We work and do homework, we find ourselves unwinding. As you two shower, I get a snack ready for you, a midnight snack you call it, so it can be waiting for your eager shiny eyes when you come back to me. Then the room goes quieter once your bellies have been satisfied, your round cheeks filled with kisses and caresses and you slowly wander back to your sweet dreams.
And I am here, sitting by the window typing away when I should be sleeping, enjoying the cool breeze immensely, and thinking of tomorrow and what it may and should/shouldn’t bring.
It grows quiet outside and inside the words and thoughts push out. They ask and beg to be heard. And I listen. I am blessed. When it is just us three and life around us, I know how blessed I am, how beautiful life can be. The illness of worry and self-doubt only appear when I listen to others.
But at the moment, I sit here and listen. And try to discern my desires, worries, thoughts, and plans; allowing them all to flow freely hoping to see them converge. I know that one day the two of you will walk on to your own path, and there will no longer be just the three of us, and I hope for nothing less. My proudest moment will be when I see you grow to be happy, independent, and beautiful women, inside and out. And that gives me a glimmer of hope that I may hope for the same.